‘Tis The Season: Authors Talk Holidays is a special seasonal feature on Pop! Goes The Reader in which some of my favourite authors help me to celebrate the spirit of the season and spread a little holiday cheer. So, pour yourself a cup of hot chocolate and snuggle in by the fireside as they answer the question: “What does the holiday season mean to you?”
About Nicole Kronzer
In addition to writing books for teenagers, her favorite people, Nicole Kronzer is a high school English teacher and former professional actor. She loves to knit and run (usually not at the same time), and has named all the plants in her classroom. She lives with her family in Minneapolis.
Growing up with a maternity nurse for a mother who could earn double time-and-a-half on holidays, my sisters and I learned as children that Christmas was Christmas when Mom said it was — not when the calendar did.
We often celebrated with a big meal and presents on the evening of the 24th, and even though my mother has retired from hospital nursing, we’ve continued to celebrate with her on that night. I think we just got used to Christmas being dark and cozy.
A few years ago, however, a key component of our celebration changed. My mom (the cook in our family) visited my sister in New York City. They went to a fancy restaurant with small plates and many courses and Mom flipped out. “I’m going to do this for Christmas!” she squealed at me over the phone. “Like, two darling crackers with a little dollop of something on little plates. And then a tiny soup! Tiny asparagus with tiny hollandaise! It’ll go on like this for eight courses! No — ten! And wine pairings with everything! Nicole! WINE PAIRINGS!”
“We should play games between the courses,” I said, half-joking. But I should have known better. There are no jokes when my mother is planning Christmas.
“YES!” she shouted into the phone. “You’re the Games Master, Nicole!”
Games Master. I like to be in charge, so the sound of that pleased me deeply.
I sat down with a pad of legal paper (let’s be honest — I don’t mess around planning Christmas either), and made a list of goals:
1) The games would have to be funny.
2) Everyone would have a game designed just for them.
3) Jim would have to win.
Jim is my step-father. I love him dearly, but he gets a little pouty when he loses because he’s very competitive, and the rest of us aren’t. I knew rigging the whole thing so he could come out on top would make everyone happy.
I started with Mr. Competitive’s game first. Jim has a lockbox of a memory for certain things, but the funniest one is American Interstates. Once, when my husband and I narrowly escaped Hurricane Katrina by driving our rental car from New Orleans nineteen hours back home (which is a story for another blog post), Jim asked which route we’d taken – and then named two entirely separate possible ways home. Straight from his brain pan.
So that Christmas, I named two random major cities in the United States for each player (“Okay, Dan, you’ve got Albuquerque to Dayton, Ohio!”). You, a non-Jim, would have to tell me how to get between them, which is a ridiculous ask. So you, a normal, non-Jim person, would naturally lose. Jim, however, won every single round. And the grin on his face that would last all night is how we kicked off Christmas.
The next game was for my brother-in-law, Tom. “Prescription Drug or Tolkein Elf?” Tom is the calmest of us all, but this quiz isn’t messing around. It includes elves from the Silmarillion. Watching Tom get irritated probably wasn’t funny for him, but it’s such a rare sight for the rest of us. I considered that a win for goals two and three.
Another round included “What did my kid draw?” wherein I had my preschooler draw whatever she wanted before she went to bed, (because Tiny Plates/Game Master Christmas is only for adults. Remember: WINE PAIRINGS!) and then my family had to guess what she was attempting in each picture in great detail. (“Is that a cat…riding a bicycle?” “No, I’m afraid that’s Aunt Bebe in a snowsuit taking pictures of a ninja-whale!”)
Perhaps my favorite course-cleanser that first year, however, wasn’t a game at all. My sister Bethany and I are both writers, so we tag-teamed writing the script for a thirty-minute Hallmark-Christmas-style movie. I would write a scene, then email it to her, then she would write another and email it back. Our plan was to split up the parts amongst the family and read it out as the last “game” before desert.
It was, if I do say so myself, a freaking cinematic masterpiece.
Called Home for the Holidays, it stars Melanie Clearwater, a fancy New York bigwig, coming home to the backwater town in the Midwest where her whole family still lives.
Bethany has watched more of these movies than I have, so I didn’t know about the trope of an older man named “Chris” or “Nick” living next door who’s actually Santa Claus and quietly makes magic happen for the protagonist.
When Bethany wrote in this “Nick” character, I didn’t think anything of having Melanie’s sister storm into the back yard, throw her wedding ring over the fence and choke Nick to death. (Now that I type this and read it back, it’s possible I haven’t watched any of these movies. Also, that this “Games Master” thing has really gone to my head.)
Bethany flipped out. (It’s like she’s related to our mom or something.) “His name is Nick. Like, St. Nick. You killed St. Nick, Nicole! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?”
She freaked out so much, I had to pull a fast one and bring him back to life a scene later. Which, as it turns out, is another Hallmark Christmas movie trope. *Jazz hands*
Despite almost killing Santa Claus, I have been allowed to retain my Games Master title for many years now. My mom keeps making tiny plates with delicious things and yacks the ear off of whoever is working at the liquor store to make the wine pairings. Bethany and I keep writing something for the family to read out loud.
And most importantly, Jim keeps winning.
On the morning of the 25th, or “Christmas” as other people call it, my sisters and our families and I pack up our presents and leftovers and drive to my dad’s, where we celebrate another favorite holiday tradition: frozen pizza and Guitar Hero.
Title Unscripted
Author Nicole Kronzer
Pages 336 Pages
Intended Target Audience Young Adult
Genre Contemporary, Realistic Fiction
Publication Date April 21st 2020 by Amulet Books
Find It On Goodreads ● Amazon.com ● Chapters ● The Book Depository ● Barnes & Noble ● IndieBound
A funny and timely debut YA about the toxic masculinity at a famous improv comedy camp.
Seventeen-year-old Zelda Bailey-Cho has her future all planned out: improv camp, then Second City, and finally Saturday Night Live. She’s thrilled when she lands a spot on the coveted varsity team at a prestigious improv camp, which means she’ll get to perform for professional scouts — including her hero, Nina Knightley. But even though she’s hardworking and talented, Zelda’s also the only girl on Varsity, so she’s the target for humiliation from her teammates. And her 20-year-old coach, Ben, is cruel to her at practice and way too nice to her when they’re alone. Zelda wants to fight back, but is sacrificing her best shot at her dream too heavy a price to pay? Equal parts funny and righteous, Unscripted is a moving debut novel that Printz Award winner Nina LaCour calls “a truly special book, written at exactly the right time”.
3 Responses
This was such a wonderful read!! I absolutely loved it! Please have Nicole blog again soon!
Getting through it without throwing anyone out of the house.
I have known Nicole for years, having gone to college with her and even performing with her in shows. But he wit and creativity still astound me! Thanks for interviewing her and promoting her sure-to-be-awesome debut novel!