‘Tis The Season: Authors Talk Holidays is a special seasonal feature on Pop! Goes The Reader in which some of my favourite authors help me to celebrate the spirit of the season and spread a little holiday cheer. So, pour yourself a cup of hot chocolate and snuggle in by the fireside as they answer the question: “What does the holiday season mean to you?”
About Ciara Smyth
Ciara Smyth studied drama, teaching and then social work at university. She thought she didn’t know what she wanted to be when she grew up. She became a writer so she wouldn’t have to grow up. She enjoys jigging (verb: to complete a jigsaw), playing the violin badly, and having serious conversations with her pets. Ciara has lived in Belfast for over ten years and still doesn’t really know her way around.
Well, Actually
So I have decided to stay on brand for this assignment which means rom-coms. And frankly Christmas is the most rommest-commest time of the year. See: every seasonal Netflix, Lifetime and Hallmark film. But the greatest Christmas rom-com of all time is the one I watch every Christmas Eve: The Family Stone.
Hah you thought I’d say Love, Actually? No. That film is just terrible people doing terrible things while snow falls in the background. Although yes, I do watch it every year too.
Now stay with me while I make a tenuous connection to the theme of the post.
For me, Christmas means visiting my family and inevitably ending up in an argument about something stupid where I tell them they’re wrong and I’m right. So this year I’m going to let you in on that tradition and tell you everything that should have happened in the storylines of Love, Actually (or at least the ones I care about).
You can argue back if you want but I can’t hear you so fa la la la la la la la la.
Juliet, Peter and Mark
What happens: Juliet (Keira Knightly) is barely old enough to get married but she does anyway and then it turns out that her husband’s bff Mark (Andrew Lincoln) took a load of creepy close up videos of her. He writes her some self pitying love notes and then asks her to keep it a secret from her husband (Chiwetel Ejiofor). She gives him a peck on the cheek as a reward.
What should happen: Juliet is creeped out by Mark and devises the perfect murder. Her wintery peppermint lip balm is actually laced with poison that reacts with Mark’s cloying aftershave (that YOU KNOW he wears) and when she kisses him on the cheek it begins a slow acting chemical reaction. By New Year’s Eve Mark’s face has melted off and she decides to leave her husband and find a more age appropriate love interest.
Jamie and Aurélia
What happens: Jamie (Colin Firth) develops an inappropriate crush on his *much* younger housekeeper Auréila (Lúcia Moniz) and learns a few lines of Portuguese so he can propose. Aurélia’s sister is the only who thinks this is a bit weird. Aurélia agrees to marry this man she’s barely spoken to for some reason.
What should happen: Aurélia’s sister has a long conversation with Aurélia about how she deserves better than an old man on the rebound and reminds her that there are probably a few guys out there who might actually care about what she has to say and don’t propose based off some dubious car vibes they shared once.
Harry, Karen and Mia. AND Sarah, Karl and Michael
What happens: You all know what happens. Harry (Alan Rickman) makes poor Karen (Emma Thompson) cry by buying a gold necklace for his secretary and a CD for his wife that she obviously already owns because she loves Joni Mitchell. Sarah (Laura Linney) has a lot of caring responsibilities for her brother and a crush on some guy from work who admittedly is very handsome but basically has no lines.
What should happen: Karen leaves her husband and meets Sarah at a singles event for incredible women. They fall in love and raise the two children. Karen totally understands Sarah’s responsibility to her brother and never makes her feel bad about having to take a call. When the kids are grown they move to an adorable chocolate box village and open one of those ceramic painting places and they live happily ever after.
Colin and the American Girls
What happens: Inexplicably Colin (Kris Marshall) goes to Wisconsin and goes to a bar where he finds American women love him in spite of his lack of redeeming qualities.
What should happen: Colin goes to a bar in Wisconsin and is ignored. He goes to the Harley Davidson Museum in Milwaukee and takes some selfies with some motorbikes. Then he goes home.
Daniel, Sam, Joanna and Carol
What happens: Daniel (Liam Neeson) is a recent widower and he is raising his stepson Sam (Thomas Sangster). He’s doing a fairly good job all things considered. He encourages Sam to take up an instrument to impress a girl, Joanna (Olivia Olson). Hopefully this is because he knows that people who have interests, are interesting and not because he thinks women are a prize you can win if you perform well enough. Sam does a classic chase through the airport to say goodbye to Joanna.
What should happen: Sam takes a long hard look at what happened to Mark when he tried to do a creepy romantic gesture and he decides that at ten years old, it’s probably OK to just let Joanna get on a plane and remain a fond memory as his first crush.
David and Natalie
What happens: The prime minister (Hugh Grant) sexually harasses his employee but then gets annoyed when the US president (Billy-Bob Thornton) does the same thing because that is HIS arse to comment on. He gets Natalie (Martine McCutcheon) fired for being a distraction and then tracks her down and causes a scene at the school play.
What should happen: Natalie files a restraining order and takes a workplace sexual harassment claim against the PM and the president. She wins a big settlement and starts a non-profit with a diverse group of women which advocates for women in politics. She spends several years giving TED talks about sexual harassment and the gender gap in Parliament and eventually successfully runs for office herself.
I know you might be wondering what about those naked people in the movie. Or the two old guys. Well no one cares about them so I’ve left them out. And I’m going to give you one further gift this season and remind you all that there was a whole lesbian storyline cut and you can go watch it on Youtube! Happy Holigays!
Title The Falling In Love Montage
Author Ciara Smyth
Intended Target Audience Young Adult
Genre Contemporary, Realistic Fiction, Romance
Publication Date June 9th 2020 by HarperTeen
Find It On Goodreads ● Amazon.com ● Chapters ● The Book Depository ● Barnes & Noble ● IndieBound
Two girls embark on a summer of montage-worthy dates (with a few strings attached) in this hilarious and heartfelt lesbian rom-com that’s perfect for fans of Becky Albertalli and Jenny Han.
Seventeen-year-old cynic Saoirse Clarke isn’t looking for a relationship. But when she meets mischievous Ruby, that rule goes right out the window. Sort of.
Because Ruby has a loophole in mind: a summer of all the best cliché movie montage dates, with a definite ending come fall — no broken hearts, no messy breakup. It would be the perfect plan, if they weren’t forgetting one thing about the Falling in Love Montage: when it’s over, the characters have fallen in love…for real.
Ciara Smyth’s debut is a delightful, multilayered YA rom-com that will make you laugh, cry, and absolutely fall in love.
